LENR Doggerel thread.

  • The following rhymes were sent to me by a forum member who wishes to remain anonymous. Since they are pretty partisan in some cases, not to say scurrilous doggerel posing opposite viewpoints is doubly welcome.

    There was this most wily inventor
    Who had no diplomas, no mentor.
    He stepped on the feet
    Of Industrial Heat
    And now is their legal tormentor.

    There was an exec named Tom Darden
    Whose purse strings were well-known to harden
    And turn into steel
    At the close of a deal.
    They buried the sap in the garden.

    Rossi and Darden went to sea
    In a beautiful pea green boat
    They fell out over cash
    Then with a big splash
    He checked to see if Rossi would float.

    A V.P named Vaughn, J.T.
    And most sanctimonious was he:
    He wrote pious tracts
    But omitted the facts,
    Of ******* with flourish and glee.

    A college professor named Nagel
    Declared that cold fusion was stable:
    "Like pastry. It's great.
    But we can't understate
    That we don't know what goes in the bagel."

  • A new element has been discovered.

    The new element (Administratium) also has a unique nuclear catalytic property: It transmutes any nearby noble metals into equal amounts of Unobtanium and Anti-Unobtanium, Those immediately annihilate each other, releasing copious Sloth particles. The resulting Lethargy field is persistent and easily detected, giving the only known proof of the existence of Unobtanium.

  • An oldie but a goodie:

    Parkhomov, you crafty Russian,
    Mates with Putin, cold war cousins.
    I heard your apartment got even more damp,
    Since you pinched some more lead, off the roof, for a clamp.
    And why is it, that only you,
    Can make LENR out of your wife's stew?
    C'mon. Stop it. You must think we're mental,
    You can't do LENR with a kitchen utensil!
    What COP did you get before it began to misbehave?
    You should've put that fucker in your microwave.
    It's just like baking a cake can't be done in a lab...
    All just an obvious publicity grab.

  • Didn't like that last one ZephirAWT? Perhaps you should develop a sense of humour?

    Try this one on for size:

    Cognitive Dissonance bites and bites deep,
    Wits my, about I, how do should keep?
    And who the feck are Airbus? Those european choads,
    Probably all researching coffee*, and shivering in the cold.
    More ‘unclear reactions, reactionary crap,
    A complete mental breakdown, a psychiatric flap,
    Synapses snap, took a nap just went black can’t go back.

    Mental intrusions, demented delusions, psychic lattice occlusions,
    Excess heat in your head.
    Chinese connivance, contrivance of the science,
    Kuhn out of Creedmore on licence,
    A strange feeling of dread.
    What next, Hydrinos? Eskimos wearing chinos?
    Can’t tell arsehole from elbow, sanity drips from my nose,
    The last throes of my life too much strife where’s the knife?

    The Tesla coil of reason, blasts scalar waves through your cranial lead,
    Soon it will be open season, the sweet relief of hot metal to your head,
    ‘Thing is we all knew the answers, to all of the problems posed,
    I should have seen this coming,
    I should have kept my mind closed.

    * An oft-repeated Mary Yugo ad-hom against Levi

  • A man once said I know what do
    To make a dollar have a COP > 2
    He changed a bill to 100 pennies
    Before there was one, now I have many!
    (In mass the COP must be over a thousand!)

    That's not right! Proclaimed his brother
    The units are being mixed from one to another
    Said the first man: Well then, I know what to do
    Let's just see then if I can manage a COP of 2...
    (He drove around town for an hour or two)

    His eyes gleamed as he announced success
    I have done what is impossible to the rest
    These pennies are worth more than their face
    They are the real copper ones not pot metal base
    So their cash value is COP 1.12 !

    But what about the gas spent driving around?
    And lunch, and wearing out shoes, crossing the town?
    Don't be silly! Said the man to his brother
    You are mixing up the units of one to another!

  • Andrea built the E-Cat to produce robust cold fusion
    He proved that the heat was much more than illusion
    But then he setup a test for one whole year
    With results only swallowable after guzzlin' beer
    And as for his lawsuit claiming Darden's collusion
    It only proved his and Penon's confusion
    Followed by more replication of nickel-hydrogen fusion!

  • What is banned, but also free?

    What is both a function and an artery?

    What hypocrite carps others lie and deceive?

    What is learnt by writing when one can read?

    What is the point, of even this poem?

    It's all Greeks to me, but some patterns are showing.